


i will be at your side (until my deathbed)

by DustyHeart



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, But also, Character Study, Friendship, Gen, idk man this is a bit sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 00:46:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11543916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DustyHeart/pseuds/DustyHeart
Summary: Five times America and Holy Rome meet and the one time they didn't





	i will be at your side (until my deathbed)

**Author's Note:**

> HI! This is a response to a prompt in the hetalia kinkmeme, its a bit of character study to be honest, because we know so little of HRE and i'm such a slut for history and how you could see his empire falling apart. Also early apologies for my english, it's not my first language and i'm still struggling to write it sometimes.  
> In the final notes i will let some details about some of the things i wrote, like dates and such.
> 
> Original prompt: http://hetalia-kink.dreamwidth.org/84699.html?thread=514652635#cmt514652635

(I) The first time they meet it's not friendly and they don't talk to each other.

HRE is angry, bitter and feeling like his bones are getting too tired to fight anymore. His anger is not towards the boy who’s there just to watch but it shines towards him too, they are in Paris but the flamboyant nation is far for being happy either so the whole city looks morbid and dead, the people are hungry and scared and tired of war. They all are.

It's the end of the Seven Years War. And France lost. England is once again victorious in a war and HRE doesn't even know why he is surprised, they fought together too many times for him not know the strength of the other blond haired nation. But that doesn't take the sting away, the shame and anger that comes so easily in those blood soaked days. He is an Empire. He is old and iron forged although looking like a small kid. He was betrayed, Prussia choosing England over him leaves a bitter taste in his mouth that does nothing to smooth the dark feelings buried in his whole being.

So when the English nation arrives, a discreet but visible smirk in his face, accompanied of a blond child who looks the same age as him HRE can't help but feel irrational anger towards the young colony. America- Even if that's not exactly his name yet- is curious and loud and annoying in a way that baffles the Empire and leaves him almost gaping in the direction of England, he is not afraid of them, certain that his guardian will protect him from all kind of harm and that trust, that love between then is not something nation usually see between the dominated and the dominant. 

HRE admits that he looks at the boy with an intensity that is not usual, but he can't help his curiosity. America laughs at him and tries to get the child looking nation to play with him, but England stops him before HRE gets the chance to yell at him. It's something that leaves him silently fuming, he tries so hard to be view as a equal to the others, to be respected even if he looks like a colony- Or even younger, some of Spain's look older than him- and the blond child cares nothing for it, knows nothing about his struggles and pains and decades of grown.

He leaves Paris feeling empty and bitterer. Because he lost, because Prussia won, because England is looking older and stronger, long gone are the awkward looks of a scared child nation. But most of all HRE leaves bitter because he knows that that colony is going to be strong faster than he could even dream off.

 

(II) They meet again less than a decade later. It's 1776 and the United States of America are a free country.

They meet formally them in a reunion with all the other free countries, an old tradition whose purpose is to give the new nation a taste of what power truly means, to scare then off of becoming too greedy of wanting too much. (HRE will never know about the other kind of reunion, the ones they will have hundreds of years later, with laugh and pranks and smiles and family and love. He will die knowing only one type, the one with the angry mouths, the bittersweet smiles, the ambitious eyes, the betrayal and the coldness. Prussia will think of it centuries later and weep silently for a brother who died too soon). They are in Paris again but this time is not a young and innocent child who enters the reunion.

America changed. Physically of course, in such a short span of time the little boy became a young man, full of life and strength in a way that makes them smile and curse him equally, a young nation who somehow defeated one of the biggest Empires the world has seen. He is still loud however not in the same way, there is something in his eyes, a broken light of a child who saw what war really means, who know the feeling of his people dying in mass and still cares deeply for all of them, feel each loss deep in his soul.

He is so young.

HRE thinks more than once while looking towards the other nation. He is mesmerized in a way, Europe is a place of war and sad eyes, they are friends in one war and plan back stabs in another, they know what hunger, sickness and war is better than most, they are the brings of dread and destruction, savages who pillage and kill for power. America isn't. He is a colony, a child of another world, with no tradition, with no story of wars that nearly destroyed then, with no story of having to kill someone they once called family or friend. He doesn't belong with them, not really.

England doesn't come; it's Ireland who shows up, bitter smile and cold eyes, harsh words to them and envy so strong that surprises them. There is a want so strong in his eyes that HRE can see the story unfolding in front of him, knows that America pulled a string in the British Empire and that others will do the same. HRE can practically see the fall of the empires.

America looks crestfallen. Confused and hurt like a child who was forgotten by a parent, his eyes sad and his voice high when he asks about his former guardian.

He is so young.

And HRE doesn't know if he is envious or disgusted of his naive nature, but he knows that America will learn. They all do.

 

(III) The third time they meet each other is when Prussia drags an exasperated and hesitant HRE to the not so new anymore lands. It's his first time in the new continent and he can see the beginnings of a great nation being born, the boy is growing strong with each year and the land show signs of it. America is exuberant, strong and alive with an energy that only the young ones have, the ones who are sheltered from the pains of a cruel master (Prussia took him to see Spain's charges too, and they are so different, so weary and angry and bitter and HRE can see that they are becoming tired of the exploration, knows they will explode and wonders if Spain can't see it too, wonders if the power has blinded him, America doesn't know a cruel guardian, England was far too gentle with him), America smiles and laugh and poke fun of HRE appearance in a way that is not venomous, that isn't cruel in any shape and the Germanic empire forgives him, frowns and corriges but never loses his temper.

America is a child.

Not in appearance, not even in power to be honest, but he is young and HRE wishes to him to stay like that for a long time. Time changed him too, the years let him tired and weary and the energic blond is fresh air, it's a lazy summer day and HRE humors him with stories, with tales of his glory and some funny stories of his brother, Prussia watches with a smile and laughs like there is no tomorrow, like there is no danger coming from France, like nothing exists outside the orbit of a young and hopeful nation.

He didn't know he needed that until he was there. Didn't know he was desesperated to see that there are good in the world, that there are still nations who laughed and really meant it.

But America knows pain too. Knows death and the greed of humans, he has learned all the things that England protected him from, the things that the colonies don't feel until they are free. They are no capable of saving their people of themselves, they can fight another nation, can fight another human to protect them but they are unable to stop them, civil wars are hell, worst than any kind of pain or suffering and America knows it. He is young and hopeful but he isn't naive anymore, he knows that he has to fight to be accepted by the others, knows that not everyone had the life he did with England, knows that humans can be cruel and greedy and that he can't do anything about it, and when he asks about his brother and his former guardian is with the knowledge that they will not come back soon.

Holy Rome feel sorry for him, a grief strong and bitter because life is not fair and it's heartbreaking to see someone so bright realizing it too. America is becoming a true nation but it’s saddening that he is losing his innocence in the process.

Power is never free.

 

(IV) They met other times too. When Prussia, bored and suffocated in his own lands drag him to the new continent, when America goes to explore Europe with some new shiny thing or some wild idea that leaves HRE feeling older and older. But those times don’t matter.

Those are times of laugh, of hiding of a harsh reality of tension and threats, the times that never go down in history because they are buried by the bodies and the blood they spill, the laugh is hidden by the screams and the inventions showed aside for the guns. The meeting that matters happen in Switzerland, because he was the only one they all agreed to met in and the only who would actually agree to it, and the air is heavy and dark with unsaid treats and hatred.

England is one of the first ones to arrive, he looks tired and thin with bags under his eyes and the face of a man who has the whole world resting on top of his shoulders but he held his head high and his bright green eyes shine with determination and stubbornness. He won’t bow to France and his demands and HRE doesn’t know if he applauds his determination or laugh of his insanity. Because what sort of lunatic thinks of resistance after seeing all the other falling one after the other?

But the British nation isn’t the one to attract the attention of all the others, not by far.

Spain looks like a madman, there is insane glint in his eyes and they all know just by looking at him that there are problems with his colonies, the seed of freedom was planted years ago and now Spain is losing his control and this is making him furious and more dangerous than ever, the simplest things are enough to make him turn in a vicious bruiser, his mind so lost that he doesn’t realize that he is just rushing things, the fear of a repetition of what happened with France is exactly what is going to cause one. HRE hears the stories of the colonies, of hidden horrors and ruthless exploration, and looking at Spain right now the only thing that the child empire sees is a man whose empire is falling apart.

And then there is France. France who flirted and smiled and cared for them like an annoying brother. France who laughs like a lunatic now, who seeks power like a drug, who has no true allies, who steps in his fallen enemies and use their bodies as ladders to reach his new targets, France whose smiles are ironic and cold, who smell of blood and death even so far away from the battlefield, France who once looked at them with fondness but now sees just things to conquer.

It’s the saddest thing Holy Rome ever seen in his life.

America arrives in the reunion looking like the outsider that he truly is, he is enthusismatic as always but even the dense new country can feel the tension and identify the differences in the nations. It’s to HRE that he asks about it, of course it is, Prussia is too busy worrying about himself to pay attention to his young friend and HRE is the only one who seeks America’s company so of course it’s him who has to answer the questions.

He tries to make the harsh truth lighter. It’s ridiculous, a frivolous attempt to preserve what little innocence America still has, but who can blame him for trying? Who can blame him, so old and oh so fucking tired of everything, for trying to hide that young and reckless nation from the horror that are the humans sometimes?

America know they could be horrible, know they are ruthless and ambitious and some of them cared nothing for the people or the well being of the nation. But he doesn't know the real bad ones, don't know the ruthless men who changed a whole nation to something terrible, have never seen the true extend of the power of a governor over a nation. Because that what had happened to Spain and France, what had happened to so many other before them, they had been put under the thumb of people who changed them, nations are slaves to their people, to their decisions and their actions, and when they had in power a man who wanted to have everything they are changed by him.

But the worst is the aftermath. Because humans, no matter how terrible they are, are fragile little things. It can take years, decades, but they all will find themselves dead and buried and their legacy will be a dark stain in the world, their reign willfall for another to rise, their memory will sometimes even be forgotten by the new generations. But the nation will remain. They will live long after the tyrant is rooting in the dirt and they are the ones who will have to live with the things they did in those moments of forced craziness.

It will be smiling carefree Spain who will have to bear the guilt of the cruel treatment of his colonies. It will be self proclaimed big brother France who will have to look at them in the eyes and know what he did to each one. It will be them who will bear the scars.

Humans make the mistakes but the nations are the ones to pay the bitter price.

And how could HRE tell America that? How could him, so fucking tired of everything, be the one to break down the last idealism of the young nation? Maybe it is selfish, maybe its completely futile, but he couldn’t. Couldn’t get in himself the energy necessary to tell that young new potency that nations are slaves, that their freedom is a bitter lie. Call him soft in his old age, call him coward it doesn’t matter he is simple tired of being the bringer of bad news.

So he gave his best smile to America and talked of futilites, asked about his country, about his people and told some old funny stories about his own, about the old times when nations are strange to each other, when Rome was still alive and kicking and he was America’s age. And when the blond nation hung in his every word, when he asked silly question and was surprised about old costumes HRE allowed himself to laugh and bask in those stolen moments.

Europe is going down in flames but America isn’t one of them, should not be dragged in their fights.

 

(V) Holy Rome _knows_.

It didn’t occurred to him as some sort of big surprise or realization, there wasn’t any big event who made him aware of his situation, he just knew, the same way a person know they need air to survive or that the water is wet. He simple knows that his time is running out, that his life is ending.

What surprises him the most is that he isn’t angry or desesperated. He heard tales about how Rome was angry, how he pleaded with the gods, how he didn’t wanted to disappear and a part of him always thought that he would be the same. But the isn’t. Because Holy Rome isn’t even angry with France, with his pointless vendetta against England, with the slow decadence of his own power while France grown more and more, he made peace with himself.

He is just… Tired.

Tired of war, tired of famine, of sickness, of fighting his own brother, of fighting to be relevant in a world that just doesn’t stop changing. Tired of everything to be honest, he just want to rest. Dissolution, or death how one can also call it, sounds like a appelaling idea and he can’t even find the strength to be scared of his own mentality.

He is going to miss people of course, he will miss Prussia, Austria and Italy the most, and his heart aches thinking about them, about what will happen once he is not there for them anymore even if they can take of themselves better than most. But he is just so fucking done with this life, just so fed up with the endless circle, that even their memory doesn’t evoke in him the desire to fight the inevitable.

But that doesn’t mean that he wants to see their pain. Because they also know, all Europe know to be honest, they knew in the exact moment that HRE lost so much of his territories, when such a large part of him was taken away. Nations hardly survive this sort of thing, this brutal separation. They call it the beginning of his collapse and he laughs at them, because he started falling apart so much early.

So he flees, he leaves everything behind and goes to America. HRE arrives in the new continent in a sunny day and has his breath taken away from him because America has grown, his cities are bigger, his economy flourishing and the boy empire is once more stuck by how much the younger is growing and his realistic side knows that this will only bring pain.

America greets him with his natural state of exuberant energy and bright as the sun smile. He asks about Europe with worried blue eyes, his tone low and heavy when he speaks of the news that he receives about the old continent, about HRE himself and in those moments gone is the childish nature, gone is the loud voice, but in those moments is that he looks the more young to HRE, because they speak of a boy nation who didn’t go through half of his history, who still is capable of sincere empathy and worry, who even after all his troubles, all his pains is still so ridiculous young and naïve to the cruelty of the people and his fellow nations. HRE has enough blood in his hands to drown them both.

And America is too young to have seen the collapse of a nation, to remember what happened to his own mother when England, France and Spain arrived in the new continent, and his is unaware the HRE is a walking corpse already, that he is just waiting for his death. And Holy Rome doesn’t tell him because he doesn’t want pity or sad eyes, he ran from Europe to escape from it after all, and even if he doesn’t lie he doesn’t let the other know the truth either.

They talk and they explore, America shows him his new cities, talks with excitation about his more famous people, shows him some natural beauty and HRE basks in it like the dying men that he is. They fall sleep under the stars and talk like old friend even if they know so little about each other.

And when Holy Rome has to go back America is there to hug him goodbye and wish him luck. And when he steps in the boat and turns to look at his young friend he sees the unshed tears in America’s eyes. And HRE understands.

Because maybe America never saw the collapse of a nation, doesn’t know the whole true about what is happening to HRE, but somehow he knows that this is the last time they will see each other.

They exchange a last smile.

Holy Rome leaves and he is at peace with himself.

 

(+ I) When America open his door to see Prussia standing at the other side he automatically knows. He swallows hard, fights against the tears he can already feel trying to gather in his eyes and invites the older nation to enter.

Prussia does and they don’t talk while America goes to his kitchen and gets his strongest bottle of alcohol wordlessly setting two shots for them. The albino looks like death himself, even more pale than usual with ruffled clothes and bags so dark under his bloodshot eyes that America doubts he had a good night in the last weeks and America can’t say if it’s because of the war or because of his loss.

They drink in silence until two bottles are empty and America can see the exact moment in which Prussia finally looses it. The older nation just bows his head and his shoulders shake but is a manic laugh that escapes his lips and not sobs like in a normal people, Prussia just laughs like a possessed man and crutches the glass so hard that he breaks it and blood starts to gather in his hand.

And America watchs. He watches in both horror and morbid fascination while that proud nation breaks down in his kitchen and feels hollow inside as well, like someone just suck up all his emotions leaving a empty shell behind, and in a corner of his mind he wonders how much worse must be Prussia’s pain, how much more hard this must be to him and a selfish part of his heart is happy that their positions are not the same.

“He’s gone. He’s fucking gone after almost a fucking millennium” Prussia chokes and America isn’t sure if he is laughing or crying anymore

Holy Rome has been a solid point in his life, someone that he likes, he _Alfred_ and not merely he _America_ and that is a big difference. He recalls HRE’s last visit and just feels a wave of pain deep in his heart because he knew there too, could see in the other eyes, in the way he spoke that there was something wrong that that wasn’t a casual visit but he tried to fool himself, tried to ignore the signals if only to escape the heartbreak but in the end he knows that it was useless. Because now he has to face the reality and there will be no denial, no after seeing the wrecked state of Prussia, the face of a man who lost his own brother to a war neither of them begun.

“I’m sorry” America says and it’s pathetic and useless and makes Prussia burst into another round of hysteric laugh because of what he is sorry? What good does being sorry actually do?

They don’t say anything else. They just drink everything America has and foolish hope that the alcohol will do anything to muffle the pain and the voices in their own heads, at some point the younger nation burst into tears and Prussia says nothing, just lets him cry alone giving the false sense of privacy and they just silently share their misery and their pain because they both lost someone who will never be replaced.

It’s late in the other day, after they both drunk themselves unconscious, that Prussia wordlessly goes to the door and America follows him knowing that this is something they will never speak off, a shared secret of pain and tears. America pauses in his own door and speaks for the second time in all of those moments

“Don’t do anything stupid”

Prussia just gives him a broken laugh and leaves without any other word.

A month later someone tells him that Prussia has declared war on France and America just goes to his home and just drinks himself into stupor again. What else he can do about this? What else he can do to stop the memories of a child empire who took him under his wings and was a friend even if he didn’t have to? What else could he do about his pain?

America isn’t naïve anymore, isn’t innocent and bright eyed.

He knows what the price all of them pay for power is. He knows what means to be a nation.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here is a guide in case you didn't catch something, i hope this was a good read!
> 
> (1) I imagined their first enconter happening after the seven years war, for those who don't know Prussia fought alongside England but HRE was France's ally. In the end England's side won and got a few territories in north america.
> 
> (2) England and HRE are allies in a few wars
> 
> (3) It's a fact that the colonization of the US was bit more "soft" than the others, the british where looking for a place to live in there while Spain and Portugal just wanted to explore and where more cruel, taking everything from their colonies (And i mean fucking everything). 
> 
> (4) There where whole big societies in some parts of native america before the europeans got here so i believe that some of the personification would look older than children
> 
> (5) The US was the first nation to get it's independence in the new continent and it gave other idea, a lot of people are inspired by it and you could say that he lanced the spark that led others to seek their own freedom
> 
> (6) I imagined the third visit to occur some point in 1803, before the Napoleonic Wars
> 
> (7) The forth happens after the Napoleonic Wars beggin in 1805, i don't have a exact moment but in my mind if happens after France failed invasion of England
> 
> (8) Haiti gained independency from France in 1804 in a revolution led by slaves, in the same year Spain declared war on England for a serie of reason involving the sea and joined France's side, there was a lot of worry regarding the danger of Spain's colonies fighting from freedom and things got ugly there.
> 
> (9) In july of 1806 a lot of states from HRE leave him to form their own confederation, it's the first big signal that the whole thing is collapsing but some people say that the empire started falling apart after the thirt years war.
> 
> (10) In august of 1806 the Holy Roman Empire is finally over
> 
> (11) In Setember of 1806 Prussia declares war on France


End file.
